Darcy, why have you forsaken us?
It has been a long time, friends. It certainly has. So why this temporary ... very temporary ... ressurection? Well, chums, have you not heard the news? The Buffalo Sabres signed TEPPO NUMMININ!!! As they say, The Future Starts Now!!
Let me address all you doubters out there. All you "psuedo-fans" who dare to question anything our holiest of triumvirates (Ruff, Regier, Quinn) would tell you. What is wrong with you? Listen, this is a simple concept. Let the other 29 NHL clubs fool themselves into thinking that good players make competitive teams. The truth is that you follow these simple steps to success - cut your most productive offenseman, cut your best, most consistent defenseman, and then sign a 37 year old borderline retiree with a heart condition to "quarterback your blue line." Hey, the facts speak for themselves. Numminen played 62 games last season and posted a walloping 3 goals and 14 assists - not to mention he was a highly respectable -5.
Okay, irony aside. I would prefer not to see any responses from all of you "sports fans" who tune into the minority opinion and report it verbatim as your own, as if you'd honestly considered it that way. Darcy's position is bullshit. "Every other team in the league is stupid, and they're gonna pay for it next year. Then we'll be competitive." Uh ... no. There is a simple maxim in the world of professional sports, and it goes like this ... "If you want to be competitive, you need to spend money." The new CBA was not created to collectively save teams a shitload of money. It was not agreed upon so that teams could gobble up all manner of star players at terribly reasonable prices. Never was it intended that teams could assemble something resembling a competitive squad AND not spend a dime at the same time. All the CBA was created for was to allow small market teams to come closer to competing in a league where Detroits and Colorados and Philadelphias have been allowed to spend the equivalent of a third-world nation's yearly economy in order to dominate. What happens now is that small market teams can scoop up a few top notch players and not have to concern themselves over whether they're wasting money. Edmonton seems to have grasped this. Calgary seems to have grasped this. Pittsburgh seems to have grasped this. Chicago seems to have grasped this.
Not Buffalo. No, instead our general manager assures us that every other team in the NHL is fucked next year. Only the Sabres will be spared what will surely be a mass apocalypse wherein the greater portion of the league will perish in a lake of shit for their sins.
"But, Mike. What you're missing here is that these other teams are at or near their limit. Come the trade deadline, the Sabres will be able to make a move where other teams will be fucked."
Again, allow me to say, uh, no. First of all, you do not add much (if anything) to your payroll by trading. When was the last time you saw someone unload a million bucks and get four or five in return? So when the Sabres close the free-agent season at around 22M, that is where they will stay - trade or no trade. Second of all, what other teams have grasped over the years ... and Regier has failed in this capacity time and again ... is that making the playoffs and being competitive is not hinging strictly on what moves you make six hours before the trade deadline. Those moves are intended to hone your roster ... to shape up and fine tune it for a run at the cup. In the meantime, the job of a manager is to put his team in a position to be competitive the rest of the season. So to argue that "we'll have some money to make moves IN THE FUTURE" is a rank vintage of horse shit, which, unfortunately, Sabre fans are forced to swallow in huge doses. That future move isn't going to amount to shit when we're wallowing at the bottom of the division swamp as usual since Hasek left.
So let's be honest. Golisano wanted the team as a tax write off, but he's not invested in this. He brought back that Devil-worshipping dog of a human being Larry Quinn to take care of shit for him, and we've had to chase that abhorrant cur out of town once before. As expected, Quinn's only concern is not spending money. Cutting expenses, and so on. In a way, I suppose, we should feel bad for Regier because he's a scared little puppy blindly obeying orders. This does not make him less of a cur in my opinion, but at least he's not the mastermind. No, the mastermind is that dry-heave, Quinn. And here's the mastermind's master plan. Sabres' fans are always willing to swallow the argument that "we will be good someday." So they overrate the potential of our young talent and slash our two highest paid players and hope that we'll be just competitive enough to give fans hope without their having to actually spend money on getting good.
And now you have all these assholes - yes, I call them assholes for their vicious brand of slander - who are saying "all you fake fans should stop complaining and support your team and just be happy we still have one." Excuse moi? What, praytell, constitutes a true fan? Am I not a true fan of the Sabres, who I have watched and followed (devotedly, passionately, and unwaveringly) since I was six years old? Am I not a true fan because I have the unmitigated audacity to question the strategy of the front office? Am I not a true fan because I have the gaul to ask for some sign of committment from the boys running the show? My very fanship is in question because I am not willing to smile and simply accept a repetitive devotion to mediocrity from those whose job it is to work for more? Am I only a true fan if I receive without question the words of those who pay lip service to "doing what's best for the team" and then go out and bring in Mike Grier, Jeff Jilson, Brad Brown, and Teppo Numminen while simultaneously sacrificing Zhitnik, Satan, Curtis Brown, Rhett Warrener, and preparing to part ways with Jay McKee after this season? Let me tell you something, fuckers. I CAN accept losing. I've stood by the Sabres through thick and thin, as have all the other fans of this team. Yet you trash us so pompously because you don't have the capacity to question what you're told. The Sabres have lost plenty over the years. Fine. I'm still here. We fans are still here. What we can't take is a committment to mediocrity. We can't accept a front office that actively pursues it. If you can, then how does that make you a "real fan?"
Don't let them lie to you. Don't take Regier at face value when he says we're going to be competitive. He tells us he's not making any moves on our offense aside from cutting Satan, and why? Because he contends that he is comfortable with our offense, specifically citing Vanek and Roy. I love these players, don't get me wrong. But how can you hinge your offense on two guys who have 9 NHL goals between them (all by Roy, by the way). Roy is young and exciting and Vanek is highly touted, probably will be good. But do you take these nine goals and use them as evidence that the offense needs no work whatsoever? No addition? No improvement? No free agents or trades? And the defense? We just parted ways with our top defensive guy for the past 8 years or so. A guy who is only 31 and logged about 30 minutes a game. A power play, shorthanded, last minutes of the 3rd period, all-situations kind of guy. So our answer is to bring in Teppo Numminen for 2 million smackers, a 37-yr-old borderline retiree with a heart condition and a foot problem who scored 3 goals, 14 assists in 62 games last season, in addition to being a plus/minus -5. And now ... more silence. Until today, when the Sabres begin tossing around the idea of bringing back the 42 year old Patrick. Boy, this defense is shaping up alright. I'm glad to see Regier and Quinn saving money. They're right. We're good enough already! We should be within at least 7 points of that final playoff spot, and that's close enough for any "true fan."
And yes, might as well get used to the idea now. This is McKee's last year in a Sabres' uniform. First they decide not to excercise the option in his contract this season. When questioned, Larry Quinn's response, verbatim ... "why would we do it?" He then goes on to talk about the money they are saving by not. Why would you do it, Larry? Oh, maybe because that is why you put options in players' contracts - because if they perform up to expectations, successfully and consistently as McKee has, you EXCERCISE THE OPTION!! As McKee said, however ... "I'll keep it in mind when I'm a free agent next year. They've sent me a clear message." And then of course, there was Regier on the Howard Simon show today.
Howard Simon: Darcy, who would you say are the best two defenseman on this team?
Darcy Regier: Well, obviously I think you would have to say Dimitri Kalinin and Henrik Tallinder. After that, I guess you would say we have Jay McKee out there, and of course now Teppo Numminen.
Mm-hmm. So our top two defenseman are Kalinin and Tallinder. Both are better players and more valuable assets than McKee. Strange that almost NOBODY would agree with that statement. Could it be you're trying to marginalize the player who you're planning on saying bye-bye to once his contract is up next season? Trying to phase him out and play him down in the fans' collective eye because you know damn well McKee will be able to command a decent deal? And McKee, like Satan and Zhitnik, has said he has no desire to leave. He likes the fans and the area and wishes to remain in Buffalo. But god forbid we have to pay him more than say 2 million a year. He's outta here. The team that would drop 3 million on Jay McKee next year is nuts, and they're going to be in financial trouble, just like the other 29 teams.
Yes, it's true. Darcy Regier is now the league's official keeper. He knows more. He knows better. And it's his position to criticize other teams for what they're doing. Don't they know they're supposed to slash prices at all costs? Part ways with longtime consistent players when their contracts are up? Always plan on being good in the future, but never now? Hinge the hopes of an entire city on 9 goals? Place the defense squarely on the shoulders of a 37 yr old hack who wreaks of mediocrity? Lie to an entire city and have the balls to tell us, quote, "we're doing what is best for the Sabres"? Maybe Teppo does have "strong skating skills" and "experience," Darcy, just as you said. But guess what ... so do a shitload of other players who were out there for the taking, and even a handful who still are! And in addition to those two things, these players also have another little thing called "talent." A thing called "impact." A thing called "draw power." But nevermind. Teppo's great. Who cares that his doctors told him to retire before he dies on the ice from a heart condition. He'll more than fill the void as long as he can get blood to his veins.
Yes, Buffalo fans, the reign of lies and mediocrity continues. Give it up for the Triumvirate of Terror! The Rotten Three! Lindy, Darcy, and Larry! They will be here for years to come, and fun hockey will not.
We waited a year for this.
Fuck all.
Mike
Let me address all you doubters out there. All you "psuedo-fans" who dare to question anything our holiest of triumvirates (Ruff, Regier, Quinn) would tell you. What is wrong with you? Listen, this is a simple concept. Let the other 29 NHL clubs fool themselves into thinking that good players make competitive teams. The truth is that you follow these simple steps to success - cut your most productive offenseman, cut your best, most consistent defenseman, and then sign a 37 year old borderline retiree with a heart condition to "quarterback your blue line." Hey, the facts speak for themselves. Numminen played 62 games last season and posted a walloping 3 goals and 14 assists - not to mention he was a highly respectable -5.
Okay, irony aside. I would prefer not to see any responses from all of you "sports fans" who tune into the minority opinion and report it verbatim as your own, as if you'd honestly considered it that way. Darcy's position is bullshit. "Every other team in the league is stupid, and they're gonna pay for it next year. Then we'll be competitive." Uh ... no. There is a simple maxim in the world of professional sports, and it goes like this ... "If you want to be competitive, you need to spend money." The new CBA was not created to collectively save teams a shitload of money. It was not agreed upon so that teams could gobble up all manner of star players at terribly reasonable prices. Never was it intended that teams could assemble something resembling a competitive squad AND not spend a dime at the same time. All the CBA was created for was to allow small market teams to come closer to competing in a league where Detroits and Colorados and Philadelphias have been allowed to spend the equivalent of a third-world nation's yearly economy in order to dominate. What happens now is that small market teams can scoop up a few top notch players and not have to concern themselves over whether they're wasting money. Edmonton seems to have grasped this. Calgary seems to have grasped this. Pittsburgh seems to have grasped this. Chicago seems to have grasped this.
Not Buffalo. No, instead our general manager assures us that every other team in the NHL is fucked next year. Only the Sabres will be spared what will surely be a mass apocalypse wherein the greater portion of the league will perish in a lake of shit for their sins.
"But, Mike. What you're missing here is that these other teams are at or near their limit. Come the trade deadline, the Sabres will be able to make a move where other teams will be fucked."
Again, allow me to say, uh, no. First of all, you do not add much (if anything) to your payroll by trading. When was the last time you saw someone unload a million bucks and get four or five in return? So when the Sabres close the free-agent season at around 22M, that is where they will stay - trade or no trade. Second of all, what other teams have grasped over the years ... and Regier has failed in this capacity time and again ... is that making the playoffs and being competitive is not hinging strictly on what moves you make six hours before the trade deadline. Those moves are intended to hone your roster ... to shape up and fine tune it for a run at the cup. In the meantime, the job of a manager is to put his team in a position to be competitive the rest of the season. So to argue that "we'll have some money to make moves IN THE FUTURE" is a rank vintage of horse shit, which, unfortunately, Sabre fans are forced to swallow in huge doses. That future move isn't going to amount to shit when we're wallowing at the bottom of the division swamp as usual since Hasek left.
So let's be honest. Golisano wanted the team as a tax write off, but he's not invested in this. He brought back that Devil-worshipping dog of a human being Larry Quinn to take care of shit for him, and we've had to chase that abhorrant cur out of town once before. As expected, Quinn's only concern is not spending money. Cutting expenses, and so on. In a way, I suppose, we should feel bad for Regier because he's a scared little puppy blindly obeying orders. This does not make him less of a cur in my opinion, but at least he's not the mastermind. No, the mastermind is that dry-heave, Quinn. And here's the mastermind's master plan. Sabres' fans are always willing to swallow the argument that "we will be good someday." So they overrate the potential of our young talent and slash our two highest paid players and hope that we'll be just competitive enough to give fans hope without their having to actually spend money on getting good.
And now you have all these assholes - yes, I call them assholes for their vicious brand of slander - who are saying "all you fake fans should stop complaining and support your team and just be happy we still have one." Excuse moi? What, praytell, constitutes a true fan? Am I not a true fan of the Sabres, who I have watched and followed (devotedly, passionately, and unwaveringly) since I was six years old? Am I not a true fan because I have the unmitigated audacity to question the strategy of the front office? Am I not a true fan because I have the gaul to ask for some sign of committment from the boys running the show? My very fanship is in question because I am not willing to smile and simply accept a repetitive devotion to mediocrity from those whose job it is to work for more? Am I only a true fan if I receive without question the words of those who pay lip service to "doing what's best for the team" and then go out and bring in Mike Grier, Jeff Jilson, Brad Brown, and Teppo Numminen while simultaneously sacrificing Zhitnik, Satan, Curtis Brown, Rhett Warrener, and preparing to part ways with Jay McKee after this season? Let me tell you something, fuckers. I CAN accept losing. I've stood by the Sabres through thick and thin, as have all the other fans of this team. Yet you trash us so pompously because you don't have the capacity to question what you're told. The Sabres have lost plenty over the years. Fine. I'm still here. We fans are still here. What we can't take is a committment to mediocrity. We can't accept a front office that actively pursues it. If you can, then how does that make you a "real fan?"
Don't let them lie to you. Don't take Regier at face value when he says we're going to be competitive. He tells us he's not making any moves on our offense aside from cutting Satan, and why? Because he contends that he is comfortable with our offense, specifically citing Vanek and Roy. I love these players, don't get me wrong. But how can you hinge your offense on two guys who have 9 NHL goals between them (all by Roy, by the way). Roy is young and exciting and Vanek is highly touted, probably will be good. But do you take these nine goals and use them as evidence that the offense needs no work whatsoever? No addition? No improvement? No free agents or trades? And the defense? We just parted ways with our top defensive guy for the past 8 years or so. A guy who is only 31 and logged about 30 minutes a game. A power play, shorthanded, last minutes of the 3rd period, all-situations kind of guy. So our answer is to bring in Teppo Numminen for 2 million smackers, a 37-yr-old borderline retiree with a heart condition and a foot problem who scored 3 goals, 14 assists in 62 games last season, in addition to being a plus/minus -5. And now ... more silence. Until today, when the Sabres begin tossing around the idea of bringing back the 42 year old Patrick. Boy, this defense is shaping up alright. I'm glad to see Regier and Quinn saving money. They're right. We're good enough already! We should be within at least 7 points of that final playoff spot, and that's close enough for any "true fan."
And yes, might as well get used to the idea now. This is McKee's last year in a Sabres' uniform. First they decide not to excercise the option in his contract this season. When questioned, Larry Quinn's response, verbatim ... "why would we do it?" He then goes on to talk about the money they are saving by not. Why would you do it, Larry? Oh, maybe because that is why you put options in players' contracts - because if they perform up to expectations, successfully and consistently as McKee has, you EXCERCISE THE OPTION!! As McKee said, however ... "I'll keep it in mind when I'm a free agent next year. They've sent me a clear message." And then of course, there was Regier on the Howard Simon show today.
Howard Simon: Darcy, who would you say are the best two defenseman on this team?
Darcy Regier: Well, obviously I think you would have to say Dimitri Kalinin and Henrik Tallinder. After that, I guess you would say we have Jay McKee out there, and of course now Teppo Numminen.
Mm-hmm. So our top two defenseman are Kalinin and Tallinder. Both are better players and more valuable assets than McKee. Strange that almost NOBODY would agree with that statement. Could it be you're trying to marginalize the player who you're planning on saying bye-bye to once his contract is up next season? Trying to phase him out and play him down in the fans' collective eye because you know damn well McKee will be able to command a decent deal? And McKee, like Satan and Zhitnik, has said he has no desire to leave. He likes the fans and the area and wishes to remain in Buffalo. But god forbid we have to pay him more than say 2 million a year. He's outta here. The team that would drop 3 million on Jay McKee next year is nuts, and they're going to be in financial trouble, just like the other 29 teams.
Yes, it's true. Darcy Regier is now the league's official keeper. He knows more. He knows better. And it's his position to criticize other teams for what they're doing. Don't they know they're supposed to slash prices at all costs? Part ways with longtime consistent players when their contracts are up? Always plan on being good in the future, but never now? Hinge the hopes of an entire city on 9 goals? Place the defense squarely on the shoulders of a 37 yr old hack who wreaks of mediocrity? Lie to an entire city and have the balls to tell us, quote, "we're doing what is best for the Sabres"? Maybe Teppo does have "strong skating skills" and "experience," Darcy, just as you said. But guess what ... so do a shitload of other players who were out there for the taking, and even a handful who still are! And in addition to those two things, these players also have another little thing called "talent." A thing called "impact." A thing called "draw power." But nevermind. Teppo's great. Who cares that his doctors told him to retire before he dies on the ice from a heart condition. He'll more than fill the void as long as he can get blood to his veins.
Yes, Buffalo fans, the reign of lies and mediocrity continues. Give it up for the Triumvirate of Terror! The Rotten Three! Lindy, Darcy, and Larry! They will be here for years to come, and fun hockey will not.
We waited a year for this.
Fuck all.
Mike
posted by Il Pazzo @ 4:37 PM
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