Drug-Induced Reflections
Looking for a book to read? A short one, perhaps? Check out Kerouac's "The Subterraneans." One review of the book says that this is what jazz would sound like if it were literature, and after reading it myself I must agree. In fact, here is one of the few texts you can read where the words themselves are far more interesting than the story (which is also good, don't get me wrong). Its only about 110 pages, so don't be a lazy bastard - check it out!
I'd like to encourage all of you to be more like "Anonymous Bob" whose comments of late are thoughtful and extensive. We here at the Dominion of Cool believe that this blog should be used as a forum for all manner of furious and empassioned debate. It can be about anything - sports, politics, entertainment media, prostitution. Especially prositution!! Agree with me about something, disagree with me, its all welcome. The staff here is happy to accomodate consent, and happier to accomdate veangeful discord. And on that note, I must defend myself against the proposterous, deceitful, and unfounded accusation left on my last blog that quoted me as saying that Bledsoe has one of the best passer ratings of all time. My exact quote (the one apparently in question) - taken from the "Something Foul..." post - was: "one of the best statistical QBs in NFL history." It should be noted that this comment came as a bit of redemption amidst what was otherwise a harsh critique of Drew by the staff here at Domion of Cool. But at any rate, the key word here is "statistical" (i.e. yards, completions, etc.). Had I intended to mark Bledsoe as the owner of one of the NFL's greatest all-time passer ratings, I would have said so specifically. However, I think I deserve a bit more credit than that (perhaps I'm wrong in this, and its a terrible tragedy). But the claim would be totally unfounded. I would have to be a donkey (a mentally deranged and severly retarded donkey at that) to make such a moronic claim as that. Thankfully, I never indicated that anywhere, in any blog, anywhere, and for good reason. Because its not correct. I AM REDEEMED! And secondly, "AB" - the Roethlesburger (I'm not checking the spelling here, and you can't make me) argument is a hopeless and irrelevant one. So one rookie QB surprised everyone and succeeded. Can you honestly argue that this suggests every team should ditch their QB's and start the inexperienced, unpracticed kid because Roethlesburger had a good season. The staff here at DOC tends to scoff at this idea (though it did give us a good laugh) - but just consider that for every one "Roethlesburger" there is ten or fifteen that range anywhere from "miserable failure" to "mediocre at best." Losman will succeed in this league (we certainly hope), but he needs to put in his time and arrive at the starting position when he can handle it and not be a detrement to the team. Roethlesburger could have thrown for 7,000 yards, 78 TDs, with a 98% completion rate and no interceptions - what would this have to do with Losman? Or the price of rice in China, for that matter?
An open invitation to everyone - please feel free to jump in on this debate. With football done, hockey extinct, and college basketball failing miserably in the area (though it sucks anyway, even when its good), we really need to work to keep sports worth talking about. If we lose sports, we lose a good chunk of what comprises this blog, and the staff here is too lame, too uncreative, and too half-witted to talk about much else.
Well, it should be obvious to everyone now that the San Diego Chargers were a joke all along. One of the NFL's dominant teams? Please. Drew Brees is a good quarterback, but this is a mediocre team.
I'd like to see Philadelphia vs. Indianapolis in the Super Bowl. This might just make for the first exciting Super Bowl in several years. McNabb vs. Manning. M&M, as it were. But two good offenses, squaring off, shooting it out. If Indi's gotta go down, however, I hope and pray to Zeus that its Pittsburgh who makes it in. If its New England again ... and worse, if they win it ... I'm going to kill Zeus.
I have finally come to accept (unhappily) that I can no longer drink an entire bottle of whiskey in a single night. In fact, I really cannot even drink half a bottle of whiskey anymore. Does this mean my manhood is failing? Not necessarily. I can still drink almost half a bottle of whiskey right out of the bottle, which is more than I can say for any of you beer-sipping, mixed-drink loving, leotard-wearing sailor boys out there.
If anyone would be interested in starting an underground fight club with me, just let me know. We'll do it just like they did in the movie. We'll stand outside a bar and fight each other until someone else wants to join in. When we get a lot of people, we'll strike up a deal with the bartender and get him to let us use the basement. Then we'll use soap to make explosives and organize a series of terrorist attacks and blow shit up. Okay, nevermind. We won't do all that shit. I'll just duct tape you to a telephone pole and smash in your face, and we'll call that our fight club.
Every minute I sit in this room I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger.
I'm now officially racist against Tsunami's. If I ever see one in Buffalo, I will discriminate against it.
And now, brethren, please join in me condemning all those who worship the nefarious Dan Brown and his wicked novels. What we have here, apparently, is the Dave Matthews Band of literature. Pretty soon people will be simply referring to him as Dan, and will become near rabid and maniacal in their fanatical haste to buy up and consume every last peice of anything with "Dan's" name attached to it. And maybe Dan will be just like Dave and decide to release a new book every single year, sometimes two. We here at Dominion of Cool do not condone this. We cannot. We will not. Dan should be driven (along with Dave) into the sea, screaming like a sissy.
Somebody should organize a hunger strike to force the Jerky Boys to reunite and release a new CD. Those guys were fucking hilarious, and now they are fucking extinct. A society without new CD's full of prank calls is a society unfit for existence. Am I right? By the way, if you've never seen The Jerky Boys movie, check that out. Its great.
Does anyone feel sorry for Martha Stewart? I mean, honestly its a joke that they actually sent her to prison - but its a fucking hilarious joke, and I'd like to see the sentence extended. And while we're at it, let's go after Christopher Lowell.
I like Geico commercials. Especially the caveman ones where they say "switching to Geico is so easy, even a caveman can do it," and the cave man working the camera gets all pissed off and storms out while the guy who said it shouts "I didn't know you were there!" Good stuff.
Well, that'll about do it. Oh, and before I forget, thankyou to the venerable Schwegler for pointing out Bledsoe's extended contribution to the flick "Jerry Maguire." I'm not entirely familiar with the movie, so I failed to point out that he did actually have speaking lines. But hey, when he retires in a year or two, it's good to know he can move to Hollywood and resume what appears to be the makings of a tremendous acting career.
Leave comments, chums. I crave them in the worst way.
A Presto
Mike
I'd like to encourage all of you to be more like "Anonymous Bob" whose comments of late are thoughtful and extensive. We here at the Dominion of Cool believe that this blog should be used as a forum for all manner of furious and empassioned debate. It can be about anything - sports, politics, entertainment media, prostitution. Especially prositution!! Agree with me about something, disagree with me, its all welcome. The staff here is happy to accomodate consent, and happier to accomdate veangeful discord. And on that note, I must defend myself against the proposterous, deceitful, and unfounded accusation left on my last blog that quoted me as saying that Bledsoe has one of the best passer ratings of all time. My exact quote (the one apparently in question) - taken from the "Something Foul..." post - was: "one of the best statistical QBs in NFL history." It should be noted that this comment came as a bit of redemption amidst what was otherwise a harsh critique of Drew by the staff here at Domion of Cool. But at any rate, the key word here is "statistical" (i.e. yards, completions, etc.). Had I intended to mark Bledsoe as the owner of one of the NFL's greatest all-time passer ratings, I would have said so specifically. However, I think I deserve a bit more credit than that (perhaps I'm wrong in this, and its a terrible tragedy). But the claim would be totally unfounded. I would have to be a donkey (a mentally deranged and severly retarded donkey at that) to make such a moronic claim as that. Thankfully, I never indicated that anywhere, in any blog, anywhere, and for good reason. Because its not correct. I AM REDEEMED! And secondly, "AB" - the Roethlesburger (I'm not checking the spelling here, and you can't make me) argument is a hopeless and irrelevant one. So one rookie QB surprised everyone and succeeded. Can you honestly argue that this suggests every team should ditch their QB's and start the inexperienced, unpracticed kid because Roethlesburger had a good season. The staff here at DOC tends to scoff at this idea (though it did give us a good laugh) - but just consider that for every one "Roethlesburger" there is ten or fifteen that range anywhere from "miserable failure" to "mediocre at best." Losman will succeed in this league (we certainly hope), but he needs to put in his time and arrive at the starting position when he can handle it and not be a detrement to the team. Roethlesburger could have thrown for 7,000 yards, 78 TDs, with a 98% completion rate and no interceptions - what would this have to do with Losman? Or the price of rice in China, for that matter?
An open invitation to everyone - please feel free to jump in on this debate. With football done, hockey extinct, and college basketball failing miserably in the area (though it sucks anyway, even when its good), we really need to work to keep sports worth talking about. If we lose sports, we lose a good chunk of what comprises this blog, and the staff here is too lame, too uncreative, and too half-witted to talk about much else.
Well, it should be obvious to everyone now that the San Diego Chargers were a joke all along. One of the NFL's dominant teams? Please. Drew Brees is a good quarterback, but this is a mediocre team.
I'd like to see Philadelphia vs. Indianapolis in the Super Bowl. This might just make for the first exciting Super Bowl in several years. McNabb vs. Manning. M&M, as it were. But two good offenses, squaring off, shooting it out. If Indi's gotta go down, however, I hope and pray to Zeus that its Pittsburgh who makes it in. If its New England again ... and worse, if they win it ... I'm going to kill Zeus.
I have finally come to accept (unhappily) that I can no longer drink an entire bottle of whiskey in a single night. In fact, I really cannot even drink half a bottle of whiskey anymore. Does this mean my manhood is failing? Not necessarily. I can still drink almost half a bottle of whiskey right out of the bottle, which is more than I can say for any of you beer-sipping, mixed-drink loving, leotard-wearing sailor boys out there.
If anyone would be interested in starting an underground fight club with me, just let me know. We'll do it just like they did in the movie. We'll stand outside a bar and fight each other until someone else wants to join in. When we get a lot of people, we'll strike up a deal with the bartender and get him to let us use the basement. Then we'll use soap to make explosives and organize a series of terrorist attacks and blow shit up. Okay, nevermind. We won't do all that shit. I'll just duct tape you to a telephone pole and smash in your face, and we'll call that our fight club.
Every minute I sit in this room I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger.
I'm now officially racist against Tsunami's. If I ever see one in Buffalo, I will discriminate against it.
And now, brethren, please join in me condemning all those who worship the nefarious Dan Brown and his wicked novels. What we have here, apparently, is the Dave Matthews Band of literature. Pretty soon people will be simply referring to him as Dan, and will become near rabid and maniacal in their fanatical haste to buy up and consume every last peice of anything with "Dan's" name attached to it. And maybe Dan will be just like Dave and decide to release a new book every single year, sometimes two. We here at Dominion of Cool do not condone this. We cannot. We will not. Dan should be driven (along with Dave) into the sea, screaming like a sissy.
Somebody should organize a hunger strike to force the Jerky Boys to reunite and release a new CD. Those guys were fucking hilarious, and now they are fucking extinct. A society without new CD's full of prank calls is a society unfit for existence. Am I right? By the way, if you've never seen The Jerky Boys movie, check that out. Its great.
Does anyone feel sorry for Martha Stewart? I mean, honestly its a joke that they actually sent her to prison - but its a fucking hilarious joke, and I'd like to see the sentence extended. And while we're at it, let's go after Christopher Lowell.
I like Geico commercials. Especially the caveman ones where they say "switching to Geico is so easy, even a caveman can do it," and the cave man working the camera gets all pissed off and storms out while the guy who said it shouts "I didn't know you were there!" Good stuff.
Well, that'll about do it. Oh, and before I forget, thankyou to the venerable Schwegler for pointing out Bledsoe's extended contribution to the flick "Jerry Maguire." I'm not entirely familiar with the movie, so I failed to point out that he did actually have speaking lines. But hey, when he retires in a year or two, it's good to know he can move to Hollywood and resume what appears to be the makings of a tremendous acting career.
Leave comments, chums. I crave them in the worst way.
A Presto
Mike
posted by Il Pazzo @ 4:16 PM
2 Comments:
At 1:29 AM,
john. said…
Mike,
You must remember that TO is out. Which leaves the philly offense with, well...McNabb. I guess I could throw in westbrook too, but beyond that, their "explosive offense" is nothing more than an extremely talented dual-threat QB, a speedy RB and a pansy filled receiving corps who are afraid to make catches.
I would have said Green Bay has the easy road but...they lost. Now I'd say it's all Atlanta. In the end though, it (assuming there is a God) will be a championship for the Colts. Oh...and a broken something for Tom Brady. I don't really care what, just something that hurts a lot and makes him cry on national t.v. and also makes GAP pull his modeling contract because he's just too gruesome to put on any poster.
At 12:03 AM,
Unknown said…
Hello all from the depths of hell, a firey place where all I have is gruesome hags tending to the sacrifice pits. Well, i guess when i put it that way it isnt so bad after all.
First, I'm extremely enraged at your comments Mike, I find myself in a crying heap after hearing of your unfortunite wiskey drinking experiences. My friend, you must not give up, never give up. As a old friend who would do just about anything for you, my advice to you is my own personal motto, taken and twisted a bit from the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want..... but you can sure as fuck die trying." So my suggestion to you is to get right back on that horse, and hang loose with Jimmy B and go toe to toe with him... show that bitch whos boss again, I feel as if this will bring you an incredable sence of redemption and pleasure. Perhaps, I could be there along side of you attacking the bottle with every single strand of energy I have left in my crippled body.
To Shwegs, yes, grad school is a fucking joke, its rediculous, the people all think their shit dont stink, and in my classes, I generally try to piss people off and create utter distain for myself as a person. Thats my only goal in life.
As for sports, try curling or perhaps the winter X games that are coming up will all be a bright spot for all of us. After all, who doesnt love bike racing in the snow. God knows I dont. Someone should have taught those fags a real sport or driving abilities when they were younger and maybe then they wouldnt have to ride their bikes in the snow. Oh well, I'm over my fit of rage
farewell from hell
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