Razmatazz
At the time I'm writing this blog, I'm also viewing a film called "Wishmaster III." The cable guide gave it an astronomical one and a half stars, and I have to say...it deserves this paltry rating. Yet, at the same time, I watched the last half of "Wishmaster II" - which was being shown just prior to part III, appropriately it would seem - and yes, I am watching part III in its entirety. How is this possible? How can an individual of my refined cinematic and literary tastes waste an entire afternoon watching movies where evil genies called "Djinns" grant wishes in order to fulfill a prophecy wherein their wicked race will inherit the earth? I'm not entirely certain. But I cannot look away. Even as I type, a college girl is trying desperately to rescue the arch-angel Michael from a crashed and burning car - incidentally, her parents died in a car crash in front of her eyes when she was a little girl and she didn't try to help them out, and she's been living with the guilt. So now...having rescued Michael, the two of them are now fleeing desparately across campus while the possessed body of her professor chases after them. I have to admit...the archangel Michael would be quite a site to see...running around dressed completely normal, but weilding a gigantic silver sword. Oh, incidentally...the sword just floated into her hands and she stabbed the Djinn with it and he roared in agony before disappearing in a burst of red and white lights...so apparently the human race will be spared. Its 2:57, so this flick should be over in three minutes, and then - Wishmaster IV begins. And yes. I will watch it. Ah, what a brilliant conclusion. The archangel Michael just brough the girl back from her fatal fall with a tear drop. She has a huge ass by the way. This skinny, tall, blonde girl. But man, that ass is something to behold. Okay. Its finally over. She told her boyfriend she loves him since Michael is no longer possessing his body, and he said "I love you too." What a tear jerker.
And now begins Wishmaster IV...with this warning - cryptic looking words appear on the screen and a deep, evil sounding voice says..."Fire gave birth to the Djinns...fear one things only...fear the Djinns."
I haven't suggested any reading in a while. Next time you lazy-ass TV watchers (yes, I'm aware I'm spending the entire day watching evil genies on TV) decide to get motivated and read a book, try "TC Boyle - Stories." A 700 page collection of all Boyle's short-stories, and I'm currently enjoying this one myself. Very amusing shit.
I keep seeing this commercial that starts out..."since the dawn of time, they have ruled the night," and so on. Its a movie called "Vampires: Los Muertos." And its starring....JON BON JOVI!!!!!!!!!! Its like they can't be fucking serious. How, out of thousands and thousands of aspiring actors, did they settle on that sissy, high-voiced, tight-pants wearing mary of a singer to be the star of the flick and fight vampires? Well, that's one I'll be sure to miss.
Losman's injury - unfortunate? Yes. But it goes to show what I've said all along...you play the game that way, you go down. Incidentally, this is the precise injury Michael Vick suffered last year, and will in all likliehood suffer again this year. These quarterbacks have to learn that they are not wide receivers or running backs. They are quarterbacks. While a quarterback with feet can and should use them when it is appropriate (AKA - when there is no chance to pass and the pocket has collapsed) they have to learn that at the same time, if they run, they will get their fuckin blocks knocked off by a hungry defense. Some might say "this is Troy Vincent's fault. This was a non-contact practice." Doesn't matter. If it happened in practice, you better believe it will happen in a game when the other team's defense isn't just bumping into you, they're trying to take your fuckin head off. Now, don't read this the wrong way. I'm pulling for Losman. He's got a cannon and he can move, and he's got the potential to be good. He's just got to take a page from the books of McNabbs and Favres, rather than the Flutie's and Vick's.
More free sporting commentary - I couldn't be happier that Travis Henry hurt his ribs. I am psyched to see how McGahee does tonight as the starter. Maybe good, maybe bad, but the bottom line is that this kid can move, and not just straight ahead either. Unlike Henry, he doesn't need to create holes by plowing into the defense time and time again. He finds existing holes and hits them. He understands that there is more to the field than strict north/south movement. Again, don't read this the wrong way. Henry's a better back than most in the league. But he aint gonna be around for long. He's tough, yes. He's talented, yes. But he gets injured too much cause he runs his ugly ass into waves of defensive linemen over and over again, play in, play out. On top of all that, he's a complete idiot, and he likes to fuck fifteen year old girls. Barring any new knee injuries, McGahee is the future of this club. A couple seasons down the road, it'll be Losman and McGahee, and that's how it should be, and I'm looking forward to it.
I think Quentin Tarrantino has gone completely insane. He's now released yet another ridiculously pompous kung-fu movie - a movie that seems to have difficulties meeting the standards of verisimilitude, in much the same way that his last asenine flick did. What happened to the days of Resovoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Jackie Brown? He takes a break from movie making for like eight years, and then when he makes his much anticipated comeback - its to this kind of garbage? Its an insult. If he doesn't do something worth watching soon, he's going to lose what legitimacy he still has left, and his fan base will completely desert him. How you go from "Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" and "Mmm, this is a tasty burger!" to "I am gonna kill Bill," is beyond me. Too many drugs, obviously.
Wishmaster IV is now about halfway through. Seems our evil genie has hit a bit of a snag, however. You see, the "waker" has to have three wishes granted by the Djinn in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled and the evil race to inherit the earth. Unfortunately, he's done such a good job seducing her as a charming lawyer, that her quietly whispered third wish was that she wished she could love him. So his problem is this...human love must be given freely or it isn't love, so he can't use magic to force her. Additionally, she can't truly love him because she is really only in love with the human body he's possessed and not his true self (the evil genie, which she still doesn't know about.) On top of all this, the forces of good have released "the hunter" into the world so that he can track down and kill the waker, because if the waker dies before her wish is fulfilled, then the Djinn is defeated. Well, its all really heating up now, and the old lady has a couple pizzas in the oven, so I'm gonna wrap this blog up and head off to more important things. So until next time, chums, it don't mean a thing if it aint got that swing. (and a little razmatazz).
Il Pazzo
And now begins Wishmaster IV...with this warning - cryptic looking words appear on the screen and a deep, evil sounding voice says..."Fire gave birth to the Djinns...fear one things only...fear the Djinns."
I haven't suggested any reading in a while. Next time you lazy-ass TV watchers (yes, I'm aware I'm spending the entire day watching evil genies on TV) decide to get motivated and read a book, try "TC Boyle - Stories." A 700 page collection of all Boyle's short-stories, and I'm currently enjoying this one myself. Very amusing shit.
I keep seeing this commercial that starts out..."since the dawn of time, they have ruled the night," and so on. Its a movie called "Vampires: Los Muertos." And its starring....JON BON JOVI!!!!!!!!!! Its like they can't be fucking serious. How, out of thousands and thousands of aspiring actors, did they settle on that sissy, high-voiced, tight-pants wearing mary of a singer to be the star of the flick and fight vampires? Well, that's one I'll be sure to miss.
Losman's injury - unfortunate? Yes. But it goes to show what I've said all along...you play the game that way, you go down. Incidentally, this is the precise injury Michael Vick suffered last year, and will in all likliehood suffer again this year. These quarterbacks have to learn that they are not wide receivers or running backs. They are quarterbacks. While a quarterback with feet can and should use them when it is appropriate (AKA - when there is no chance to pass and the pocket has collapsed) they have to learn that at the same time, if they run, they will get their fuckin blocks knocked off by a hungry defense. Some might say "this is Troy Vincent's fault. This was a non-contact practice." Doesn't matter. If it happened in practice, you better believe it will happen in a game when the other team's defense isn't just bumping into you, they're trying to take your fuckin head off. Now, don't read this the wrong way. I'm pulling for Losman. He's got a cannon and he can move, and he's got the potential to be good. He's just got to take a page from the books of McNabbs and Favres, rather than the Flutie's and Vick's.
More free sporting commentary - I couldn't be happier that Travis Henry hurt his ribs. I am psyched to see how McGahee does tonight as the starter. Maybe good, maybe bad, but the bottom line is that this kid can move, and not just straight ahead either. Unlike Henry, he doesn't need to create holes by plowing into the defense time and time again. He finds existing holes and hits them. He understands that there is more to the field than strict north/south movement. Again, don't read this the wrong way. Henry's a better back than most in the league. But he aint gonna be around for long. He's tough, yes. He's talented, yes. But he gets injured too much cause he runs his ugly ass into waves of defensive linemen over and over again, play in, play out. On top of all that, he's a complete idiot, and he likes to fuck fifteen year old girls. Barring any new knee injuries, McGahee is the future of this club. A couple seasons down the road, it'll be Losman and McGahee, and that's how it should be, and I'm looking forward to it.
I think Quentin Tarrantino has gone completely insane. He's now released yet another ridiculously pompous kung-fu movie - a movie that seems to have difficulties meeting the standards of verisimilitude, in much the same way that his last asenine flick did. What happened to the days of Resovoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Jackie Brown? He takes a break from movie making for like eight years, and then when he makes his much anticipated comeback - its to this kind of garbage? Its an insult. If he doesn't do something worth watching soon, he's going to lose what legitimacy he still has left, and his fan base will completely desert him. How you go from "Are you gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?" and "Mmm, this is a tasty burger!" to "I am gonna kill Bill," is beyond me. Too many drugs, obviously.
Wishmaster IV is now about halfway through. Seems our evil genie has hit a bit of a snag, however. You see, the "waker" has to have three wishes granted by the Djinn in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled and the evil race to inherit the earth. Unfortunately, he's done such a good job seducing her as a charming lawyer, that her quietly whispered third wish was that she wished she could love him. So his problem is this...human love must be given freely or it isn't love, so he can't use magic to force her. Additionally, she can't truly love him because she is really only in love with the human body he's possessed and not his true self (the evil genie, which she still doesn't know about.) On top of all this, the forces of good have released "the hunter" into the world so that he can track down and kill the waker, because if the waker dies before her wish is fulfilled, then the Djinn is defeated. Well, its all really heating up now, and the old lady has a couple pizzas in the oven, so I'm gonna wrap this blog up and head off to more important things. So until next time, chums, it don't mean a thing if it aint got that swing. (and a little razmatazz).
Il Pazzo
posted by Il Pazzo @ 2:45 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
Wrong about Quentin...he basically had nothing to do with this new movie, he just convinced a company to bring it to the US. Yes resevoir dogs, jackie brownd and pulp fiction were great movies but thats not the only type of movies he has done, just the only ones he's written and directed. for instance he wrote and acted in from dusk till dawn which starts off as an amazing movie but turns into some vampire crap. Kill Bill was a good different movie which he started planning during the making of pulp fiction. other than slapping his name on the new movie hero he has nothing to do with it.
sincerely,
anonomous
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