Debut of the "Blog"
It seems as if everybody has one of these things, and since I read exactly none of them it seemed only fitting that I create my own and "dazzle the moon above" (as the singer says) with my brilliance. But I am a reasonable man (albeit a mad one) and so I eventually came to my senses and I now understand that nobody will read this. Disheartening? Slightly. Enough to stop me? Never! That said...
This "blogspot" found its origins in my own massive boredom born of having my first day off of work in exactly 21 days. Hours of watching the news and wandering the neighborhood aimlessly with my faithful Siberian Husky companion did nothing to aleviate this feeling, and so I turned reluctantly to the computer - or rather "The Vile" as I shall now be calling it. At any rate, I saw "blog" in somebody's profile and rather than read it I thought to myself, "Hey...why in fuck's name don't I make my own blog? That should kill a half hour, shouldn't it?" And so here I type, and type is what I shall continue to do as I spend the next ten minutes spilling my guts about whatever strikes my interest to blather about.
In South America a sports referee did a bad thing...
"OHANNESBURG (Reuters) -- A South African soccer referee pulled a gun and shot dead a coach who questioned one of his rulings, police said on Sunday..."There was an altercation and the referee became threatened when the other team approached him because they were angry," Govender said. "So he pulled out a gun and killed the coach of the visiting team."
- Maybe now people won't look at me so funny when I suggest in all seriousness that we run all referees screaming like sissies into the ocean and let the whale sharks sort them out.
Whale sharks, by the way, are possibly the dumbest looking things I've ever seen...that is except for Michael Moore who I mantain looks like a severly mentally deranged manitee - and when he shouts and hollars about evil corporations and ignorant Americans his belly jiggles like a bowful of jelly.
In all seriousness, however...I have finally retired from my five year job as a building and grounds worker for Hamburg Schools. I was offered no salary hikes or irrisistable benefits by my former employers as I walked out the door, but they did have the integrity to buy pizza and wings for me and let me leave an hour and a half early. Now its off to a less than promising job at Keybank answering phones all day. Am I the type of person that can deal with customers' questions for thirty hours a week, even if the pay is considerable (which it is)? A recent poll showed most Americans don't think so, with an astonishing 71% saying no, and only 22% showing any confidence in me. 7% of those surveyed said they didn't feel like they knew me well enough yet and are reserving judgement.
If I was the reporter that Heinz Kerry told to "shove it" I would have said something like "Yah, well at least my name isn't Heinz."
Some free friendly advertising... www.fulltreblestereo.com - Check out the website, and listen to the sound bytes. These chaps are good.
Whale sharks are slow swimmers, going no more than 3 mph (5 kph). They swim by moving their entire bodies from side to side (not just their tails, like some other sharks do).
Sometimes I wonder about the times we live in. National intelligence has reason to believe that the Democratic National Convention is in danger of being attacked by anarchists. If anyone has seen "The Big Lebowski" then you are well aware that anarchists "believe in nah-ting." But this is not true, for anarchists believe strongly and unshakably in Chumbawumba. This "kick-ass rock band" is the modern face of anarchism across the globe, and its spokesperson, posterchild, and recruiting poster at the same time. If you want to strike a blow against anarchism, start by striking a blow against tub thumping. But come on...all joking aside, and barring any misfortune that may occur, it would be hilarious to see CNN reporting..."The Democratic National Convention came to a tragic end today after a violent attack by musical group Chumbawumba."
Whale sharks are harmless to people and usually indifferent to divers.
A rebuttle offered by John and myself to my sister's theory of global warming:
Sister's theory in summation: Global warming results in colder temperatures because the polar ice caps melt and move south and bring about a new ice age...hence, the last two summers we've had have been cold and rainy.
Rebuttle: In order for that to happen, global temperature would have to increase first. Even if temperatures would eventually drop, it would only be after a long period of much warmer temperatures, so therefore the cold summers we are now experiencing cannot be the start of an ice age. Furthermore, how could ice MELTING cause an ice age to begin? Huh? Think about that.
By the way, sports fans, it was me who talked Ricky Williams into early retirement. You owe me big Buffalo. I'm still working on Bellichek (however you spell that fucker's name), but if he doesn't voluntarily seek "freedom" in "asia" as well then its no problem. I'll just suffocate him with Tom Brady's winter cap. Oh wait...Tom Brady is a fag and he wears a winter cap everywhere, even in summer, because he thinks that makes him look more attractive to potential male suitors. Hmm...I'll have to figure something else out.
Whale sharks are sexually mature at 30 years old. This is the age at which they are able to mate and reproduce with Tom Brady.
Okay, that's enough for today. I've rambled and blathered and nothing has been accomplished. So until next time...farewell chums.
And in the charming words of the ever charming Heinz...shove it!
This "blogspot" found its origins in my own massive boredom born of having my first day off of work in exactly 21 days. Hours of watching the news and wandering the neighborhood aimlessly with my faithful Siberian Husky companion did nothing to aleviate this feeling, and so I turned reluctantly to the computer - or rather "The Vile" as I shall now be calling it. At any rate, I saw "blog" in somebody's profile and rather than read it I thought to myself, "Hey...why in fuck's name don't I make my own blog? That should kill a half hour, shouldn't it?" And so here I type, and type is what I shall continue to do as I spend the next ten minutes spilling my guts about whatever strikes my interest to blather about.
In South America a sports referee did a bad thing...
"OHANNESBURG (Reuters) -- A South African soccer referee pulled a gun and shot dead a coach who questioned one of his rulings, police said on Sunday..."There was an altercation and the referee became threatened when the other team approached him because they were angry," Govender said. "So he pulled out a gun and killed the coach of the visiting team."
- Maybe now people won't look at me so funny when I suggest in all seriousness that we run all referees screaming like sissies into the ocean and let the whale sharks sort them out.
Whale sharks, by the way, are possibly the dumbest looking things I've ever seen...that is except for Michael Moore who I mantain looks like a severly mentally deranged manitee - and when he shouts and hollars about evil corporations and ignorant Americans his belly jiggles like a bowful of jelly.
In all seriousness, however...I have finally retired from my five year job as a building and grounds worker for Hamburg Schools. I was offered no salary hikes or irrisistable benefits by my former employers as I walked out the door, but they did have the integrity to buy pizza and wings for me and let me leave an hour and a half early. Now its off to a less than promising job at Keybank answering phones all day. Am I the type of person that can deal with customers' questions for thirty hours a week, even if the pay is considerable (which it is)? A recent poll showed most Americans don't think so, with an astonishing 71% saying no, and only 22% showing any confidence in me. 7% of those surveyed said they didn't feel like they knew me well enough yet and are reserving judgement.
If I was the reporter that Heinz Kerry told to "shove it" I would have said something like "Yah, well at least my name isn't Heinz."
Some free friendly advertising... www.fulltreblestereo.com - Check out the website, and listen to the sound bytes. These chaps are good.
Whale sharks are slow swimmers, going no more than 3 mph (5 kph). They swim by moving their entire bodies from side to side (not just their tails, like some other sharks do).
Sometimes I wonder about the times we live in. National intelligence has reason to believe that the Democratic National Convention is in danger of being attacked by anarchists. If anyone has seen "The Big Lebowski" then you are well aware that anarchists "believe in nah-ting." But this is not true, for anarchists believe strongly and unshakably in Chumbawumba. This "kick-ass rock band" is the modern face of anarchism across the globe, and its spokesperson, posterchild, and recruiting poster at the same time. If you want to strike a blow against anarchism, start by striking a blow against tub thumping. But come on...all joking aside, and barring any misfortune that may occur, it would be hilarious to see CNN reporting..."The Democratic National Convention came to a tragic end today after a violent attack by musical group Chumbawumba."
Whale sharks are harmless to people and usually indifferent to divers.
A rebuttle offered by John and myself to my sister's theory of global warming:
Sister's theory in summation: Global warming results in colder temperatures because the polar ice caps melt and move south and bring about a new ice age...hence, the last two summers we've had have been cold and rainy.
Rebuttle: In order for that to happen, global temperature would have to increase first. Even if temperatures would eventually drop, it would only be after a long period of much warmer temperatures, so therefore the cold summers we are now experiencing cannot be the start of an ice age. Furthermore, how could ice MELTING cause an ice age to begin? Huh? Think about that.
By the way, sports fans, it was me who talked Ricky Williams into early retirement. You owe me big Buffalo. I'm still working on Bellichek (however you spell that fucker's name), but if he doesn't voluntarily seek "freedom" in "asia" as well then its no problem. I'll just suffocate him with Tom Brady's winter cap. Oh wait...Tom Brady is a fag and he wears a winter cap everywhere, even in summer, because he thinks that makes him look more attractive to potential male suitors. Hmm...I'll have to figure something else out.
Whale sharks are sexually mature at 30 years old. This is the age at which they are able to mate and reproduce with Tom Brady.
Okay, that's enough for today. I've rambled and blathered and nothing has been accomplished. So until next time...farewell chums.
And in the charming words of the ever charming Heinz...shove it!
posted by Il Pazzo @ 3:51 PM
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